A Balance(ciaga) Act

 Hello Damnlings,

I'm speaking to you from the past this week - but you wouldn't know unless I told you, thanks to the magic of technology and forward planning! (Assuming scheduling has gone to plan while I'm away!).

Life can get very busy at times, and when you're a drag queen - doubly so! and that's what I wanted to talk to you about this week: the delicate act of balancing day life and drag life.

Much like the timing of this post, it's all a matter of forward thinking or planning ahead. I like to publish these posts on a Saturday, so you all have time to read them (did you know I have readers in Sweden, Germany, Austria, the US and Canada?? Hej, Guten Tag, Hallo, Howdy, Hi and Bonjour to you all!), but sometimes I don't have the time on a Saturday to write them (flashback to 26 October when I wrote to you from the car on the way to our Halloween show). 

Drag is very much audience driven (as it should be - where would I be without my Damnlings?!), which means when there is conflict, Evilyn wins (usually). Much like now, it's actually Thursday evening for me, but I'm doing my weekend things now because we're away over the weekend. This is because to keep the blog successful, it needs to be consistent, otherwise the posts and updates get lost in the general stream of social media life. (In essence, I'm training you all to anticipate the blog post on a Saturday - anyone heard of that Pavlov fella? Wonderful desserts...) 

Performing is no different; as you'll know, the shows take up an entire evening on their own when you factor in travelling to and from, length of the show etc. and then for us, there is the time it takes to get ready too (which I've covered in previous posts) so really, each show wipes out almost a whole day. Then there is House of Damnation CIC (of which I'm House Mother) which requires lots of behind the scenes work in the evenings too. 

The trick to balancing all of this against having a full time day job, keeping on top of housework and still having time for the things I enjoy (like creative writing, learning the violin, gaming, reading) is a combination of compromises and being really economic with time, particularly as I struggle with an ebb and flow of motivation and bouts of hyperfocus that are difficult to predict and control). 

Some things, like the creative writing, I can do under the pen-name Evilyn Carnate (like this blog, and also my other creative writing project) so its a thing I enjoy that also enhances my drag profile; playing violin is something I've always wanted to do, and is something I'd be able to do in drag performances. Other things rely more on logistics and time planning; I know that we've got some awesome surprises lined up for you all on social media later in December, so we're spending some time next week prepping the material for that. Housework gets done in odd 5 minute bursts between other tasks, and I try to 'group' tasks together (if I'm going to put on a load of washing, might as well sort the dishwasher out as well, and both of these before I do something else, so that they can be running while I work on other things). 

So you see damnlings, it's not easy being me - but it is a hell of a lot of fun! As we head into December, I'll be posting more about reflecting on this year, and what I'm looking forward to in 2025 so stayed tuned!

Yours internationally,

Evilyn x

PS - Happy thanksgiving across the pond since I'm writing this while you're either having breakfast or lunch and dreaming of all that food you'll be having tonight!)

She's Beauty and She's Grace...

 Hello Damnlings, 

I'm a little late this week but for a very good reason - I was enjoying the Miss Cornwall 2024 Drag Pageant in which not one, but two of beloved drag family took part - Roxie Moron and Object - who despite excellent performances, sadly did not win. But on this occasion, that's ok because the event was to raise money for the Childrens Hospice SouthWest charity, which I'm certain they achieved in tall measure. 

Now for those of you who follow the pageant, you may have noticed I was not in the line up, and perhaps even poised to ask "so Evilyn, when are you going to do it?" for which I'm equally poised to respond "maybe next year". So let me explain a bit about why I've not done the pageant (yet?). 

As you'll know by now from reading these letters, drag is not easy. It is a constant battle against your toughest critic for anywhere between 8 and 12 hours, distorting your body image in ways that hide the things you don't like, but still does not provide respite from the dysmorphia. Worse is when it learns to twist the best bits of your drag by highlighting they exist because of the 'worst' bits of your body. Add in some unflattering candid shots from people seeking to capture the magic, and a show format that traditionally encourages unrealistic standards for women (and men - Man of the World!) and it is a recipe for mental health disaster. 

It is the same reason that I do not perform in my own shows; I'm stuck in a bit of a doom loop - you've never heard me sing in order to provide the (believable!) encouragement that I'm good and you enjoy it, therefore I have no way of convincing myself that I'm good enough to go out there and let you enjoy it - even if I am starting to get a better handle on the image thing (you did get to enjoy three costumes at Dia De Los Muertos after all). 

Now, I do want to be absolutely clear on this. Having been behind the scenes at Miss Cornwall last year, and this year, it is nothing like traditional pageants. Felicia runs an amazing show (and frankly if you didn't buy tickets, you missed out on one of the years biggest drag events!) everyone back stage formed a family-like bond within minutes, were caring for each other and rooting for each other. According to some of our more travelled sisters, that is a rarity in our world, and there is absolutely no expectation to be serious or proper or polished (as Just Jean reminded us all brilliantly).

I for once got to be a real audience member (though admittedly still spent some time back stage with the girls still!) which meant I got to see things as one of you, instead of as one of us. I can see why you go crazy now. It really was an incredible show, really well put together with the right mix of reverence for the charities' work and comedy to balance it out, talent from the queens but also the people who make it happen so seemlessly. I found a whole new level of respect for Felicia last night (even more so that I already have) who frequently sacrificed her own chances to perform in order to keep the show on track. I learned a lot about hosting last night!

So who knows, with a bit more growth, a bit more determination, and a lot of encouragement (from somewhere?!) I will find a format that works to allow me to show you what I can really do - on good days, I really do enjoy it!

Yours if you donate to the charity, 

Evilyn x

PS - I'm not kidding, here's the link: Make a donation | Childrens Hospice South West

Mirror, Mirror, Ponder All...

 Hello Damnlings!

I've been busy this week planning some big changes to my social media channels - you'll have to follow them all to find out what the changes are, but one thing I can share with you now: I'm on BlueSky! If you can remember Twitter (when it was actually Twitter, before Igor Tusk took over. Incidently there's a rumour doing the virtual rounds that he might be merging it with Blames and the Giant Impeachments' social media platform... definitely time to leave!) BlueSky is exactly like old school Twitter (cat pics, communities, positive vibes, all the nice things! - mostly because it was set up by the same engineer who created Twitter) so go sign up, and give me a follow over there - just search my name, you'll find me :) 

I used to use Twitter for my professional life, keeping in touch with others in my field (day job, not drag queens), sharing best practice and learning through reflection. Which is what I wanted to talk to you about this week, in the final instalment of this set of posts about running a show: Reflecting after the show.

Once I finally get home from whichever fast food vendor had the pleasure of seeing my face matched with a hoodie, trackies, and snapback hiding the awful birds nest of cowlicks that my hair becomes after removing the wigcaps, it's straight to the bathroom to remove the layers of makeup so that I don't destroy another pillowcase...

You may recall from my second blog post how much I simply love sitting in front of a mirror for prolonged periods, so you can imagine what it gets like doing it while tired and achy knowing bed is so close!

I usually get to about the half way point (I don't actually do it like this picture, I was just recreating a Mulan Moment in my exhausted state!) before I start to really mull over how the night went, and assessing my overall look and performance, making mental notes of what to improve on next time (which usually means what do I need to focus on for the next few practice runs so that I get it right next time). 

The trick here is to not get into a "I can't believe I went out looking like this" narrative, because it lurks behind humour, so doesn't "hurt" at the time, but it just gives yourself permission to be mean when you start the process over again ("better get it right this time, don't wanna risk looking like that again...!") which just adds pressure and sucks out all the fun.

There is a really sweet moment during this process, where I'll catch my eye in the mirror (just before I start taking the makeup off) and smile at myself (or Evilyn smiles at Mikey?) as if to say, simultaneously, "you goofball", and "well done, you did great". I never realise at the time that I do it, but it always leaves me feeling fuzzy that I do remember to be kind to myself sometimes. 

I'm deliberately avoiding talking about makeup removal routines by the way, because I get judged a lot for just using warm water and a washcloth (I do use Simple's make up remover for the heavier makeup around my eyes). It works for me, and I'm not apologising!

So there you are, now you have a first hand account of the full Evilyn experience and process. Sorry this post is a bit less structured than normal - my head is throbbing so I'm going to go curl up in a dark place! This is the last post in this series, let me know what topics you'd like me to cover in future posts, and I'll do my best to make it work. 

Yours if you have paracetamol,

Evilyn x

It ain't over, til it's over!

 Hello Damnlings!

With the US elections providing another 4 years of Blames and the Giant Impeachment, I thought I'd share what goes on when a much more enjoyable show is over: ours! 

I'll end the show, usually smiling through the ache in my feet and legs, thanking you all for coming, wishing you a safe journey and reminding you to follow us on social media if you aren't already (if you still aren't, well done for finding this blog, but also: GO FOLLOW ME!). After saying goodnight one final time, I leave the stage, to a very congratulatory and celebratory atmosphere backstage, all of us proud of ourselves for making it through all the anxieties, worries and stresses of planning and running a show. 

Usually, we'll start getting out of costume immediately (nothing beats taking off the heels and corset after almost 8 hours by this point!), unless there are people waiting by the stage for photos, in which case we'll happily pose until they've all left (please remember to tag us in photos!). 

Backstage can get quite messy, particularly with multiple performers and multiple costume changes, so usually we'll fall into some sort of 'debrief'-come-"glad we can relax" chatter while starting to organise and pack our things ready to leave (often with a barrage of venue staff, collaborators, and friends and family coming to congratulate and collect their performers). 

Once I've spoken to everyone and checked they're ok and have everything they need, I'll change back into "boy clothes" (but usually still with a full face of makeup), and together with the rest of the cast, help the venue staff to clean up and straighten up the venue, clearing any rubbish and glasses from backstage, and usually picking up odd belongings that someone has left behind. 

By this point, you'll all have left (hopefully - house lights will be up now, nobody wants to see us under harsh lights!) and I'll be thanking the venue teams and saying our goodbyes while packing the car with Object (once I've found her!). 

We're usually starving by this point, so its off to Fraddon Maccies or Truro's Central Grill for a kebab (whichever is nearest and open!) before heading home to de-drag (read: scatter bits of costume up the stairs on our way to removing makeup in the bathroom before collapsing into bed). 

The after show process is one of my favourite bits of the evening (not least because it means I can switch off!) because I get to see the look of triumph on our performers faces, the look of joy on the audiences faces and the sense of pride that gives me is immense. 

That's all from me this week my damnlings, but stayed tuned next week where I'll talk more about what its like getting out of drag and reflecting on the evening once the excitement has passed. 

Unitl then,

Yours if you didn't vote Trump,

Evilyn x

P.S - To my friends and siblings across the pond, I am speechless. I don't think anybody expected this, nor knows what it means for you or the world beyond what we've already witnessed. Stay strong, stay safe, and now more than ever, stay together. x 

The Show Must Go On!

 Hello Damnlings!

I hope you enjoyed our Halloween show last week at Carnglaze Caverns. If you came, thank you for supporting us for the Worlds first drag show in a cave! If you didn't, well... you missed out on the Worlds first drag show in a cave!

I want to take you behind the curtain (oo er!) and share with you what it's like to simultaneously host and stage manage an event - in short, utter chaos! but of course you already know that is where I thrive!

From coordinating the performers (read: herding cats) to supporting communications between the bar, tech, security and venue teams, there is a lot going on behind the scenes while the performers are singing their hearts out for you on the stage. 

I usually have an idea of how the show ought to go in the days leading up to it (you've all seen the cue cards!) but I still have to be able to adapt and deviate from the script to match whatever is happening as the show unfolds - venue announcements, changes to running order, timings being off (you've all seen the chaos!). 

Mostly we build cues into my cues - sound and lighting know what to do based on me saying certain things, performers know what their introduction will sound like so that they can be ready to come on as I come off. But it goes the other way too - performers will need me to remember to do certain things to set up for them (bring the mic with me for them to start off stage, alter my introduction to better lead into their opening number etc.) which they will have usually told me during the previous act as a last minute nervous jitter. I always accommodate where I can, even if it means I fumble slightly to help them shine. 

Off stage, I'll either be undergoing my own costume change (fun fact: at Dia de los Muertos, my costume stages demonstrated my evolution -Evilution(?) - into La Muerte, the mexican saint of death), or I'll be supporting the other acts with their changes, or fetching them drinks or raiding my trusty "drag bag" packed with essentials and spares like a true Mother!

It's not just practicalities though - I also have to juggle managing the energy and atmosphere in the show (keeping you all in high spirits, and ideally, high in spirits!) which includes responding to the vibe you give and having a whole non-verbal chat with you all (that's a future blog post!) with also maintaining a positive, exciting and healthy atmosphere backstage so that the performers are in the right frame of mind to really enjoy their show with you. 

So Damnlings, there you have it - there's a lot more to hosting than you thought, i bet! We may not always sing or dance, but we don't put in any less effort to bring you the entertainment you deserve.

Check back next week where I'll talk you through what goes on after you've all left the show.

Until next time!

Yours if you saw the show,

Evilyn x

Getcha head in the game!

Hello Damnlings,

As I write to you, I'm flying up the A30 to Carnglaze Caverns for the Halloween show you should be paying attention to! What this means is that you'll get todays post in realtime - how I psych myself up to get on that stage and basque in your utter adoration.

Pills & Liquor!

Not quite in the party-hard sense of the roaring 20s - We abide by a 2 drink maximum rule (watched too many queens make a fool of themselves on stage while drunk!) and following an exacerbation of anxiety this summer, a beta-blocker helps manage symptoms. 

But how do I do it i hear you ask. It's a tough battle actually - years of conditioning from a particular parenting style have gifted me with a fiercely abusive inner monologue, and therein lies the secret: i know as much as that voice does, cos that voice is also me. And i have a choice: i can choose to stop being mean to myself. What if it goes right? What if they all laugh with me? (For levity, you can picture me doing my best nutty professor impression: "Yes. I. Can!").

Of course, there are compromises. This is a journey, not a trip to the shops! I won't be singing just yet - I'm dying to do it though!) and my words are scripted (by me!) 

And of course, ever beside me, is Object, keeping things going when I'm ready to stop and drop. Like driving us to the venue so I can update you all on my life, you lucky lucky things!

See you all tonight, if not, you best have a good excuse.

Yours if you have tickets,

Evilyn x

I don't wanna see any H&M!

 Hello Damnlings!

Today I wish to regale you all with the secrets of my sartorial style (whilst apparently taking on the vibe of Moira Rose...?) 

By now, you'll all be familiar with my two most iconic dresses: The polka-dot pin up, and the saloon-girl ball gown (which is ridiculously impractical but damn its fun to wear!), and may recall the other five outfits (bonus points if you can!) each one is distinct in its silhouette, while still being undeniably Evilyn. If you thought I just bought them because they're pretty (you'd be right!) but also there are a few styling secrets at play to make my life easier (and more comfortable!) which I'll share with you today!!

Firstly, underneath everything is always a comfortable pair of underwear (black if there's a chance they'll be visible!) followed by 3 or 4 pairs of tights, often with a pair of fishnets over the top of them. This helps to create the illusion of smooth legs (with the fishnets further confusing the eye), as well as accentuating the shape. It also means when I'm in heels, it feels like wearing a thick pair of socks which after 4 hours of tiptoeing is a lifesaver. It also means I can slip the shoes on and off easier without needing to bend down because the corset will invariably have other ideas.

Which leads me to the next bit, making the shape! Except for the ballgown and the pirate look which have corset built into the look, underneath all the other dresses I have a half corset on to help define a waistline, and a padded bra to give more of a defined chest. Some performers use a full corset, but I find this too restrictive. I don't like to use any padding (as one guest at an event found out when he decided to cop a feel - don't ever do this) as I couldn't be coping with it sliding around inside my tights everywhere (every queen I've met that uses it, looks incredible but comments on it moving or dropping). I also don't tuck (its incredibly uncomfortable, as you can imagine) because I have the bladder of a small child. So how do I reconcile these needs with great style? Vintage silhouettes!!

Each of my looks in corporates high waistlines, petticoats, and (usually) knee length skirts. This combination makes my legs look longer, and disguises any lumps and bumps around my midriff, by putting my wasitline above it, thus making that area my new 'hips'. 

One area that is much harder to conceal are my broad shoulders. This takes a special combination of shawls, wraps, over the shoulder dress designs, sleeves, and certainly the wigs. 

I get all of my wigs from our very own mothers' wig shop: Haus of Moron Hair, run by the fabulous Roxie Moron. The victory rolls (my signature do) was my first ever wig, designed by Roxie herself to look like devils horns. The flowing back and sides help to disguise my neck and shoulder line creating a more feminine appearance. All the wigs have names too. The victory rolls is Lucy (after Lucille Ball and my beloved Lucifer), the brunette for the pirate look is Anna-Maria, after the two famous pirates Anne Bonney and Mary Read, and the newest addition to our wall of wigs is Lillith, the inky black wavy down-do with deep veins of lustful red coursing through it. 

Finishing touches, like jewellery, also play their part, whether its a string of beads and feathers in Anna-Maria to give a slight Jack Sparrow Vibe, or a rose hairslide in Lucy for a more latina feel in the polka-dot pin-up. There's also gloves, large rings, bracelets, necklaces and chokers that are all selected to augment the style and vibe of the outfit and the event. A special mention, however, for my earrings. My absolute favourite part of my outfit are the earrings, which I buy from the incredibly talented Alison at SteampunkSnorkMaiden who handmakes all of her jewellery. (I don't have my ears pierced, but you can clip-on adapters online that work beutifully with Alisons designs).

I also have expensive taste in perfume, but a quick spritz near my ears, under my skirts and down my cleavage means I can mask the musk of peasantry all evening. 

So there you are, that's how I look (and smell) so fiendishly fabulous - stayed tuned for next week, where I'll share how I get into character backstage - or if you want to see that happen live, buy tickets to our Dia De Los Muertos Party!

Yours until I decide otherwise,

Evilyn x