She's Beauty and She's Grace...

 Hello Damnlings, 

I'm a little late this week but for a very good reason - I was enjoying the Miss Cornwall 2024 Drag Pageant in which not one, but two of beloved drag family took part - Roxie Moron and Object - who despite excellent performances, sadly did not win. But on this occasion, that's ok because the event was to raise money for the Childrens Hospice SouthWest charity, which I'm certain they achieved in tall measure. 

Now for those of you who follow the pageant, you may have noticed I was not in the line up, and perhaps even poised to ask "so Evilyn, when are you going to do it?" for which I'm equally poised to respond "maybe next year". So let me explain a bit about why I've not done the pageant (yet?). 

As you'll know by now from reading these letters, drag is not easy. It is a constant battle against your toughest critic for anywhere between 8 and 12 hours, distorting your body image in ways that hide the things you don't like, but still does not provide respite from the dysmorphia. Worse is when it learns to twist the best bits of your drag by highlighting they exist because of the 'worst' bits of your body. Add in some unflattering candid shots from people seeking to capture the magic, and a show format that traditionally encourages unrealistic standards for women (and men - Man of the World!) and it is a recipe for mental health disaster. 

It is the same reason that I do not perform in my own shows; I'm stuck in a bit of a doom loop - you've never heard me sing in order to provide the (believable!) encouragement that I'm good and you enjoy it, therefore I have no way of convincing myself that I'm good enough to go out there and let you enjoy it - even if I am starting to get a better handle on the image thing (you did get to enjoy three costumes at Dia De Los Muertos after all). 

Now, I do want to be absolutely clear on this. Having been behind the scenes at Miss Cornwall last year, and this year, it is nothing like traditional pageants. Felicia runs an amazing show (and frankly if you didn't buy tickets, you missed out on one of the years biggest drag events!) everyone back stage formed a family-like bond within minutes, were caring for each other and rooting for each other. According to some of our more travelled sisters, that is a rarity in our world, and there is absolutely no expectation to be serious or proper or polished (as Just Jean reminded us all brilliantly).

I for once got to be a real audience member (though admittedly still spent some time back stage with the girls still!) which meant I got to see things as one of you, instead of as one of us. I can see why you go crazy now. It really was an incredible show, really well put together with the right mix of reverence for the charities' work and comedy to balance it out, talent from the queens but also the people who make it happen so seemlessly. I found a whole new level of respect for Felicia last night (even more so that I already have) who frequently sacrificed her own chances to perform in order to keep the show on track. I learned a lot about hosting last night!

So who knows, with a bit more growth, a bit more determination, and a lot of encouragement (from somewhere?!) I will find a format that works to allow me to show you what I can really do - on good days, I really do enjoy it!

Yours if you donate to the charity, 

Evilyn x

PS - I'm not kidding, here's the link: Make a donation | Childrens Hospice South West